Helpless and Inconsolable....

Just a perspective to this particular post...
If curiosity kills the cat you know what,..... too much of information buries it alive...

My so called "complication" or "disorder" kept gnawing in my mind and just like any normal human being we want solace, a ray of hope or we go down in the dumps. In situations like these where things are not in our control, we ask ourselves questions like - "Why me??", "What can I do??". We go on looking for some kind of help, answers, a solution.... and who better to turn to than the person with all the different kinds of solutions to all our problems. Nothing ever can go unanswered.... Yes Google... I started my "research". I would sit day and night reading about infertility. I was convinced that having a baby was going to be hard and  that I had a huge "infertility" problem.

I knew for a fact that this struggle might not be easy and it was something that we had to be there for each other. AJ being the man that he is knew and accepted the issue but was hopeful and confident that things would work out when the time was right but that was definitely not the case for me. What made matters worse were our hectic schedules at work. There were times when me and AJ would be travelling on "those" days. I would get all depressed and think that it "THIS IS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!" like it was the end of the world and poor AJ would have to try to console the inconsolable me. After all we are Venusians, (refer the book " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" - must read for couples!!) who just want to be heard out and the Martians know only how to offer a solution.

There came a time almost a year after the "trying" started, when I was at a point where I wanted more from my career and I felt I needed a break for myself. I knew that maybe during this time I could even get pregnant as I was hoping to be more relaxed. At this stage I was desperate. All I could think was babies babies babies.... Wherever I went out I either saw women with huge pregnant bellies or couples with cute little kids. This made things even worse than it was. I resigned my job thinking of a time of relaxation and calm...... But believe me it was not relaxation that followed. As you've heard of the age old saying - "An idle mind is the devil's workshop".... which is sooooooooo true.